Honors Alumni Newsletter

“Become What You Are Not Yet”
Reflections of a “COVID Senior”

by Erin Fabian '21

The above quotation from St. Augustine might make Villanova current students and past alumni remember promotional material from their Blue Key Tour or bring back harrowing memories of carefully crafted college essays. For me, it makes me think of a certain professor whose opinion of this inspirational quotation is as follows: “Well, of course. Think about it. What else can you become…except what you are not yet? That’s the very meaning of becoming.” After all, St. Augustine was not a fan of the idea of unconscious or accidentally becoming (i.e., “change for change’s sake), but rather wanted a person to be present to the process of becoming. The fuller sentiment is from a sermon, encouraging the listener: “Do not be content with what you are, if you want to become what you are not yet.” Just the latter half seems like the easiest process in the world, however with the added valuation of avoiding complacency, Augustine’s message changes. In order to be properly ordered to becoming, one must seek it themselves, rather than letting it painlessly arrive unannounced on its own.

A lot has changed since I started as a Freshman at Villanova in the Fall of 2017, which is the understatement of the century. “Becoming” has been evident everywhere: Campus has gained new buildings, the wi-fi service has improved for the Zoom Era, and Holy Grounds cold brew vastly outranks the hot coffee over ice from years past. Much of what I love about Villanova though, has stayed the same—the friendly waves throughout campus, the daffodils appearing out of nowhere after the last snow melts, and Falvey library as a welcome refuge most every night. But back to Augustine, it seems like a pretty obvious answer to the imperative call of Villanova—how can we help but become what we are not yet every single day? Even without conscious effort who we are unfolds further each day, whether or not we recognize our growth. Critically though, the recognition of that growth is what helps to propel us forward, rather than simply being adrift in aimless “progress.”

I think that this idea of being present to continued growth is what has gotten me through much of my year as a ‘COVID Senior.’ From the closure of Kelly’s to the Pavilion’s new role as a spit collection center, things have become what they had not been previously. But I have changed along with them too, for better or for worse, but all for the sake of becoming the next version of me—one that invigorates me rather than just leaving me ‘content.’ At the beginning of this year, it felt really easy to just let change overtake, rather than fully recognizing the good and the bad of the altered every day. However, as I began to learn, even if things felt stagnant, the small changes felt much more monumental than usual. And the monumental changes were met with terrified exuberance. The two weeks before the big changes are always the scariest part, because when the change arrives, we simply cannot help but become what we are not yet. Change sweeps us along, whether we want it to or not, so being properly ordered to the change is the only way to not be consumed by that sweeping.

Looking back over my four years at Villanova as an alumna, time seems to have progressed astronomically fast. It feels strange to be writing so seriously about a time so wonderful, exciting, and fun in my life, but it seems as if formative experiences beget some sobriety. Obviously, there is some sadness that comes with any ending, and with big life events often comes rumination on aging (because I am 22 and am totally justified in feeling old). There is such a way as to move forward and not just beyond, I believe, with a gathering mindset rather than a severing one. As myself and my fellow graduating classmates move on towards new jobs, graduate school, volunteer opportunities, and more, I know we will not shed, but evolve in our identity as “Villanovans.” After all, we are continuing to become, pushed along by the flexing logic of our present minds and the inarguable logic of pure time.

Villanova is a community, and this strange year full of unprecedented situations (including the unprecedented situation of learning to long for ‘precedented’ times) has proven this reality. Although the ideas of ‘community spirit’ and the ‘Caritas Commitment’ may have gotten cumbersome over the year, real truths often become annoying to hear. As any student that has been through the Honors Program understands, the value of searching for goodness, beauty, and truth persists. Despite everything, I think we got a little closer to understanding that transcendence this year. Even though it has been years since my Augustinian Culture Seminar, I think looking back on the roots of my first classes helps me to “not be content” as I gain years and (hopefully) wisdom. In the future, I hope myself and all Villanovans are driven by discontent to continue to learn what they do not know yet, love those that they do not love yet, and become who they are not yet. After all, what else can we do?