Psalm 34 celebrates: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted."
God remains close to me during difficult times. But I ask myself: do I remain close to God when I am hurt or angry? I have noticed that there may be a fear in me that wants to shut down or run away from God when I feel hurt. I can find myself getting angry at God for my lot. My anger at God, no matter how justifiable it seems to me, often pushes me away from my feelings of vulnerability into a rational defense of myself and a separation from the caring presence of God. So when I need God the most, I push God away.
I don't need to have it all “together” for God to draw near me in tenderness. But this often feels too vulnerable. So I want to flex my muscles (and for God to do the same) and be strong and fix everything. I wonder what it would be like to remain close to God and allow God to simply be with me. To know that there is nothing to do or fix or change; just allowing God to be God. I may be surprised to find that God is gentle, attentive, caring, compassionate, forgiving, kind, generous and trustworthy. Can I be open hearted enough to sit with this God and allow God to love me with a deep healing presence? Can I take that in? Can I open the door as God nudges me to let God be part of my tears and disappointments and dreams? I can pray now for the grace to be open to accept this greatest love, which is what I truly need.